What I learned from my trip to Disney World.
...or,"It's a small Hell after all!"
Mental Break Through 1
It's not a good sign for your trip when you arrive at one of your fellow trip goer's home at the appointed time for a 10 hour car trip and she opens the door in her sleep wear and says, "Yall are here early."
Mental Break Through 2
Think Tifton! Tifton is a small town in Rural, Southern Georgia that tries to make you believe it is important. Come see the Tifton Agri-rama, the annual truck and tractor pull or use the Tifton Convention center. Um.... Yeah. I'll do that.
Mental Break Through 3
Even Tifton has a Starbucks. Probably two.
Mental Break Through 4
Do you really need to advertise your town on billboards for 30 miles in each direction along the major highways?
Mental Break Through 5
Tifton is the Reading Capital of the World... According to Tifton.
Mental Break Through 6
The "We Bare All" Stripper truck stop has, good food, showers and welcomes couples, according to the plethora of billboards.
Mental Break Through 7
The Magnolia Plantation should learn that having 20 something billboards in a 5 mile span doesn't make anyone more likely to stop. It's like having the marketing equivalent of a Psychotic Ex stalk you.
Mental Break Through 8
The signs that promise "free Disney Tickets" are the places where they knock you out and steal your organs.
Mental Break Through 9
The PC term is "Harvest your Organs".
Mental Break Through 10
Biker gangs flock to Disney World. Would they be "Hell's Tinkerbells"?
Mental Break Through 11
The "Citrus Tower" in Cleremont Florida? WTF? It's a tall tower. It's not shaped like an orange. What is it's purpose? Is it like a grain silo, only for oranges? Is it a watch tower to look out for rouge orange trees?
Mental Break Through 12
Our hotel is fricking pink.....
Mental Break Through 13
And sits behind a two story tall Orange
Mental Break Through 14
Visitors are more likely to go to a gift shop if there is a huge wizard head perched on top of the building.
Mental Break Through 15
In Orlando, Tacky is the new Black.
Mental Break Through 16
On the same sign, you can put "Cosmetic Surgery" and "Chinese Buffet", but you probably shouldn't.
Mental Break Through 17
A volkswagon Beetle with a giant Lobster on it is really frightening.
Mental Break Through 18
Giving an alien (Stitch) "Chili Dog Breath" does not make him more frightening or likable.
Mental Break Through 19
A ride that shows you all the cool other rides that you could be on if you weren't on that stupid ride, is not a good ride.
Mental Break Through 20
Beware the water squirting Tiki heads.
Mental Break Through 21
Don't pull back the lap bar in the doom buggy in the Haunted Mansion ride, the ghost assisting you will.
Mental Break Through 22
If you do try to pull the lap bar back, the ghost will get irate and slam the thing back.
Mental Break Through 23
The Doom Buggy does not have sufficient knee clearance for tall people.
Mental Break Through 24
The Pirates of the Carribean ride desperately needs updating, and I don't mean adding Captain Jack Sparrow. Although, some Captain Morgan might help.
Mental Break Through 25
'It's a Small World' ride should be outlawed by the Geneva convention as a form of mental torture.
Mental Break Through 26
The Disney Jail should be located in the 'It's a Small World' ride.
Mental Break Through 27
You have to willingly wait in line in order to get on the 'It's a Small World' ride. That's like paying someone to kick you in the head.
Mental Break Through 28
The guide on the pun filled jungle cruise doesn't like if you out pun him.
Mental Break Through 29
The Amazon has poisonous Jungle Ducks.
Mental Break Through 30
I will not, as I was assured by an elderly Asian woman, have a stroke and only be able to remember the parking lot zones of the Disney parks.
Mental Break Through 31
Mission Space ride only kills stupid people.
Mental Break Through 32
I get motion sickness when viewing Gary Sinise.
Mental Break Through 33
In a space mission, the CAPCOM has nothing to do with Street Fighter.
Mental Break Through 34
With all the planning for a mission to Mars, they can overlook an asteroid field above your landing zone.
Mental Break Through 35
Imagination only works if you sing. Oh, and it is very annoying.
Mental Break Through 36
In ancient Norse Myths, you can get magic by allowing a troll to bugger you.
Mental Break Through 37
While there are a plethora of trolls in the Norway pavilion in Epcot, there is a distinct lack of troll buggery.
Mental Break Through 38
This Mental Breakthrough close for rennovations.
Mental Break Through 39
The Norse Vikings sailed the seas wearing Mickey mouse ears.
Mental Break Through 40
The Mexican Pavilion got a discount from the people who made the "It's a small world" ride.
Mental Break Through 41
It's annoying to lose something in Epcot. "Where'd you lose it?" "Somewhere between Morrocco and England."
Mental Break Through 42
It must suck to be the driver of the explosives (fireworks) filled barge who has to motor out through other fireworks and then set off his load.
Mental Break Through 43
Water rides hate me.
Mental Break Through 44
Who gives a rat's butt about the stupid poachers.
Mental Break Through 45
The Game warden has rigor mortis.
Mental Break Through 46
The "Dinosaur" ride may dislocate your spine.
Mental Break Through 47
The "Time Whirl" ride will definately injury you.
Mental Break Through 48
Late for an Aerosmith concert is a stupid plot for a ride, but not as stupid as poachers.
Mental Break Through 49
It's a good thing we saved Aerosmith from the poachers.
Mental Break Through 50
The Tower of "Bungie" terror was lame.
Mental Break Through 51
Ride operators need to learn how to speak into microphones.
Mental Break Through 52
The Rebel faction from Starwars make extra money by running a shuttle service.
Mental Break Through 53
From Epcot, all rodes lead to Tampa.
Mental Break Through 54
It's pretty boring being an Indiana Jones stunt person.
Mental Break Through 55
Watching the trailer for a movie does not make it a 'behind the scenes' exhibit.
Mental Break Through 56
Can we stuff someone in the trunk of our restaraunt booth?
Mental Break Through 57
Saban and Disney should never mix, but there were Power Rangers at MGM.
Mental Break Through 58
Sushi and Tempura are not the only Japanese foods and do not come close to being a Japanese restaraunt.
Mental Break Through 59
"Pooh's Playful Spot" is just sick and wrong.
Mental Break Through 60
Tinkerbell is the Disney female with attitude. I guess if I were built like Marilyn Monroe but only 12" tall, I'd be pissed off too.
^_^
