"You do the Cleaning, I'll do the justice."
"I don't care if he looks human, I still eat his pants."
"My porn has saved my sexuality."
"He was Cute."
"Hey Wait, You're a lesbian."
"I wasn't at the time."
"You have to be an Elf to get in."
"He has........... Ears."
"You are just jealous that you don't have a girlfriend who can bench press a Buick."
"Well, I can deafen the tree."
"Mind if I drink?"
"Knock yourself out."
WHAM! "Nah, that'll take too long. mind if I just drink?"
"Guard! Guard! I'll talk, just GET ME OUT OF HERE!"
Conversation between Sprout, my not too bright halfling Barbarian and a jailed Ogre Shaman
"Do you think we are poking into sensitive areas?"
"You had weapons, we had boobs and between them we had lots of toys."
"Someone save Sally!"
"That's my Father!"
Said during a fight with an illusion
"People, Get your priorities straight, she's the psycho one."
"Did you miss the part where I am paying you with the continued use of your knees?"
"Carrying around a billy club and a shotgun doesn't exactly scream people person."
"You go first because I don't want to be poked in the ass by that thing."
"Look Ma! I'm Chowder!"
"He needs to get more fiber in his diet."
"No, a wicker swingset."
Dave, on the finer points of the oriental diet.
"I ask to see the local potentate."
"They hand you a bottle of Viagra."
Strange characters in a strange land.
"How does summoning work? Can I summon stuff or can I summon things?"
"He is a 20th level Ranger with a favored enemy against 'Assholes'."
"They belong to the great wizard, Merle Haggert."
"I've heard of half-assed gnomes..."
"Bush declined the duel, lost 7 honor and became dishonored."
"Oh no, you are the ring bearer. Get the Fuck away from me!"
"I'm going to prison wearing a Diaper!"
"Summon a Celestial Orca and tell it to bite my hook."
"We're invisible rats!"
"You are small... (pause) ...Rats... (pause) ...and Invisible."
"You did your kata all over her ying-yang."
"He is a giant, crazy toolbox, I wouldn't expect him to say anything."
"They say it even inspired the whole Muhammed thing."
"Whole Muhammed thing? ... Islam?"
Jared, friend to all cultures.
"When he is dead, can I wear him as a robe of usefull items?"
"Purple Vorpal Worm Jerky"
"Blood, Death and Not to the face!"
"You transform and crush the tent behind you."
"Wow, my ass is as big as J-Lo's."
"Someone could summon a celestial Badger so we can kill it, skin it and eat it."
"If you kill a summoned creatue, it dissappears."
"Eat it quickly while it is still alive."
"You find some wolf tracks."
"Are any of them carrying shovels?"
"He likes his women like he likes his coffee, non-homocidal."
"Who wants to go see if they need trouble."
"We have to save him. We need to save everyone. You can beat him to death with my door, later."
"Why have fun when you can outsource the fun of three mexicans for less?"
"I'm too beautiful for you to die."
"You aren't even good at being a sexual deviant."
"I'll call you back in six hours once I pass the phone."
"Bone Gnawers* can be more dangerous than us Ghets^. The only thing worse is
the Children of Gaia~."
* - Werewolf version of domesticated dogs
"Many will try [to kill us], few will succeed."
"You are going with me..... Claw and Claw"
"I can't, I'm union."
"That's it! 5 minutes on fire!"
"If you need cocaine to 'take the edge off', your life is full of pain. I mean, so full of pain that blues musicians burst into flames around you."
After we've been captured by the super powered leader of the bad guy base that we have sneaking around in, listened to his evil rant and watched him flaunt his evil powers for most of an afternoon.
Gary's character leans over to mine and whispers, "I think they might know that we are here."
And was serious about it.
"What do most Chinese eat? Rice!"
"Made from Rice!"
"In some areas they eat sorgum."
"Made from Rice!"
"It's from and entirely different grain, you dope."
"She's Xena the warrior tart."
"I want her to look like a warrior tart, not a Vegas hooker. There is a subtle difference."
"Does Gregor have anymore area effect spells?"
"I didn't eat them. I just crushed their little puppy skulls."
"We are back and look, we brought Knights. Aren't they shiney?"
"She has a furry G-String."
"That's not a G-string"
"Are you threatening Me"
"What do you think?"
Gary rolls dice.
"Are you shooting her?"
"No. I'm rolling for Seduction."
"What? You threaten her and now you proposition her?"
Needless to say, we had to shoot and abduct her. I think our group needs a "Dating for Dummies book".
"I'm just trying to ask you for a date."
"My God, Don't say no or he'll shoot you."
"Are there dancing girls? Well, there are about to be."
"Dance for me, Fleshling!"
"I plan to clear my name by killing everyone who knows me."
"Yep, He's the bad guy. He had to be constipated, he's evil."
"I follow him because he's stupid."
"This is as descriptive as I know. I'm a delusional mad scientist,
"Give me a moment to unload my gun."
"I've gone British again. Oh Damn."
"Hello. I'll be your new large, intimidating black man."
"... All my friends are dead. Will you be my friend?"
"This is my Shovel. I bury things with it."
"You haven't asked a question yet!"
"You haven't seen my people's real power..... Tentacles!"
"The first age did not fall because of blue monkeys."
"I see, so your mystic chant is AIIIIEEEEEE!!!"
"It must be an emotional moment because our weapons don't work."
"It's her breasts that are perky, not her."
"So, if you had an instant tower filled with pudding (and it shrank), would you get pudding to squirt out."
"I have a regular mobile suit. Only the teen-age, androgynous, pretty boys get the cool Gundams."
"He's a story telling Chupacabra. He's a large, intimidating black man. Together, they fight crime."
"I don't know what your religious beliefs are, but do you believe in polygamy?"
"It's okay. He landed on a racoon."
"So, you gave up you freedom for...."
"No! You can't deep fat fry the midget."
"Awww! You can't deep fat fry the midget. You can't smother the (unconscious) bad guy with a pillow."
"I think it was the 'paint chip' suppliment that made him grow stronger. It's like Wheaties, only crunchier."
"Maybe my horse ate Jason (the intellectually challenged Sorcerer) and got stupid."
"Hulk can dance if Hulk want to. Hulk can leave his friends behind. Because if friends don't dance, HULK SMASH!"
"You are carrying around a big sword, I have a push-up bra. Same difference."
Jumping from the bathroom where he was changing into superhero garb.
"I have befriend animal. The rules say that I can't send them ahead to test for traps or eat them. It doesn't say anything about tying
bunnies to my feet with string."
"Yeah, I'll give you a plus 1 shield bonus for the dwarf."
"I don't think the pizza trick is going to work. Let's just get to the hideous beatings."
"That's what you get for whistling at aliens."
"We have the technology (to heal him), but you can't fix stupid."
"As prized slaves, I assume we get good kitty litter boxes." -Mandi (in D&D, and not playing a felinoid race)
"Wait! You have wings and a Burka?"
"One was black, one was white and one was slightly more aerodynamic than a rock."
"No plot ever survives contact with the players."
"And you thought 'Flamingo' was stupid."
"Bjorn, the angry pevert."
"What is the magic book that I have called?"
"We detcted a transdimensional transportation in this area."
"I'm wound up and the coffee table is giving us lip."
"No sane person would would cook a baby in a pot. They'd use a cauldron."
"May the force be with you because I will not."
"People from Tampa are called Tampons."
"I give him a look like he's not much of a man."
"You say 'Whore' so negatively."
"I can fight crime and download porn at the same time."
"Candy. Net. Chickens. I'm set."
"There was a crash downstairs and even though you are here, I'm pretty sure that you are involved."
"I pout... in a gothic way."
During the rescue of a PC from some evil CIA agents in the middle of a Starbucks.
An 8 foot, bi-pedal lizard crashes through the door on a hoverbike, flys past a garison of friendly troops and crashes into a rack of communication gear.
"I want something that won't cause much damage."
"Fine. We will find you a survival knife and some women's underwear."
"Well, since he'll probably wake up shiv-ed anyway, I'll just finish him off."
"You find a group of 10 survivors hold up in a bank."
"I'm only 5'8"? Whaa? When did that happen?"
"I'm going to Hell....On Pluto!"
"Did you check him for a longspear?"
"Now she's going to shove a piece of coal so far up your stocking."
"I'm at - 3 dice for being untrained."
"I will mourn my friend's death, even though we really didn't get along at all."
"Hah..I'm hot even when I'm dead."
"I'm channeling my God... The God of ominous music."
"I can spin. I can spin up the mountain."
"Everybody wants to be the fur trapper. You have to share. I'm willing to
let Meagan be the French speaking Dominatrix."
"...And Steve loses an argument with furniture."
"It was there and you had tape. It wouldn't have been any different."
"You see an erotic fountian." Mandi (GM)
"I pout... in Infernal."
"You are a great fighter, but don't ever point that thing at me again."
"I'm sorry. I don't usually pay attention to the warmth of my various body parts."
"These ARE useful for somethings." Adjusts Breasts.
"It's a military base. We can go to the PX, steal their beer and then burn it down."
"Can I have the unobtanium longspear of protection from bad touch?"
"Your foot is very close to my No No place."
"Flame on! Flame on and on and on."
"I think I know the guy in the green fez."
"That's what Dragon-Con is all about." -Menachem.
"Sweetness and light. Zorch!"
"I give 'Wrath' a hug."
"I can't be perky and caffeinated. I'm Russian."
"Maybe we can get a trained monkey with the 'Ballista' profeciency."
"Maybe we should respect his 'Guy time'."
"I open the door." -Doug
"We can stop to get something to eat... like in the Mournlands." - Ken
Group discusses other ways of using potions. including a potion 'Epi-pen'
"How often does a man get to re-animate a titanic crustacean?"
"What is this Spell?" -Joy
"Nature makes a poor Assasin."
"I'm dressed for clubbing."
"What? Baby seals?"
"[...The TV camera] has a card that says 'PRESS'."
"Okay, I push."
"There is no 'sex' in 'teamwork'."
"but there is 'meat'."
"You are sleeping on the couch, and we don't have a couch."
"Why does the only conflict in my game involve bathing the Ork."
"Das Squid, Vhere are You!!!!"
"Do you have the 'Porn Producer' skill?"
Oh, that's my new one. Can I do it as a 'computer' specialization?"
"Uncle Fin says all girls like girls, they just don't know it yet."
"How silly of us. We are worried about severed heads when you can't get into college."
"So now you are worried about the severed heads, but only because you wanted to 'DO' him."
"Remember the Maine, Ya'll"
"No, Use small words. Don't!"
Bree tries to explain simple concepts to Gary.
"Does anyone here Meditate"
"No, but I get a pretty good buzz on after a few cases of beer."
"I grab something Blunt"
"Like my head."
"Blunt and Usefull."
"It's a Hong Kong action movie game, Everyone knows handcuff manuvers."
"Plus, We are sluts."
"Plus, I was trained by Nuns."
Mike and Bree about their Feng Shui characters
"Everyone was young and stupid once, you are still there"
"I'm not old."
Dave summing Gary's character and Gary proving the point.
"Does she look like anything I've ever read about?"
"Dude, she's a girl."
Dave helps Jared examine those most rare and mysterious of creatures.
"This is 'Dragon removes stuck jar lid'."
"He Doesn't have to be pretty, Charisma is force of personality"
"Well, why does he have to force it on us?"
The finer points of dealing with a high Charisma character.
"What Girl's am I bedding?"
"She was probably controlling him. And, when her power died, he ... Wait, What's my intelligence?
"It's going to be like an instant fortress thing, only not really lighter or smaller."
"If you are marrying someone with multiple personality disorder, do you need to be a mormon?"
"No, because you are never married to more than one of them at a time."
Imagine the gaming incident that sparked this debate.
"Ms. Piggy is here"
"No Shit. It's like prison Ms. Piggy, but Yeah."
"You've got a strap on and you are sticking your immovable rod in someone elses pants?"
"See, ya'll is chaotic stupid, I'm Lawfull screwed."
"Japanese wrestlers are totally Mexican, except that they are Japanese."
"Is 'Baylor Reaming' an element?"
"Doesn't the Nancy boy die first."
"You know.. We can only hope."
On the group's less than manly Paladin of Torm.
"Never use the term 'blowback'."
"That sounds like you are getting a discount from a hooker, don't it."
"Save a Lung for Lythander!"
"Does the Tentacle need help?"
"I'm a second level Preist, I couldn't cure hiccups."
"Are we going to keep Jason conscious this time?"
"Are you eating some strange fish again?"
Marie, making fun of another characters intelligence level.
"She bought tents. If we don't camp now, she'll kill us."
"We are not as long lived as your race."
"You don't have sex."
"We sensed this."
Two conversations crossing in the night
"This dress makes me feel funny."
"I've lived in the desert. The only thing there are camels. Those are the only two humps I've seen."
"I make it look like his eye hasn't been eaten."
"Embrace who you truely are."
"He did, that's how he ended up in the cultist's bathroom."
"In a big steroid using, Nazi, kind of way."
"If we get in trouble, you'll run."
"No, I fly."
"We can get some idiot to strap explosives on, knock on the door and say Hi."
"Oh no, not me."
"He likes his liquor like he likes his women.... Strong and nasty."
"I like my coffee like I like my women...Suicidal."
"How firey is the wall of flames?"
"Grapefruits are like rabid wolverines, except round and yellow."
"He is Captain Alzheimers"
Starwars Droid that we found tells his long, sob story...
"...and my master died. I am now in need of a new master."
"You can be my master!"
"Are they authorized to use leathal force?"
"The giant mecha does not look like it has a squeaky hammer."
"Why do you insist on this mindless violence when I can pick the information out of their mind like you would pick fruit from a tree."
"Are you gay?"
Later, in the same game.
"This is Sol system, welcome to Earth."
"Actually, I am looking at Uranus."
And suddenly, you have to wonder...
"There are a hundred foot soldiers heading this way."
"They are HUGE!"
"My spell is 'BONK'!"
"Do you know how to use a Plasma Blaster?"
"No. I'm a civilian."
"What? They don't teach civilians how to use squad automatic Plasma weapons?
What is humanity comming to?"
"You are the NRA."
"You set yourself on fire when we gave you the torch of justice."
"My lightsaber works. I'll cut you into bits."
"I'm already in bits."
"Mandi, do you still have your high Charisma?"
"No. I left it in my other dress."
"We are coated in a hard candy shell. Gregor melts in a dragon's mouth, not in his hand."
"Dive down the worm's mullet .... Um, gullet."
"I'm on Fire... And I'm burning... And I'm unhappy."
"Help me. I seem to be on fire."
"I stopped the thugs."
"What did you use to stop them? A Cotton Gin?"
"Make her breathe again"
"What's her name?"
After some more discussion about the character's impending marriage.
"You don't have to set her on fire! You could just say 'No!'"
"I'm going to put the holy symbol in the palm of my hand."
"It's like a joy buzzer against evil."
"We will repair your damaged mobile suits for you as a gesture of peace."
"Well, once you repair my Mobile suit, the "John Wilks Booth", I'll be on my way."
"They have feminine dishes like cucumber sandwiches and more masculine dishes..."
"Like cucumber sandwiches...COVERED WITH SLABS OF BACON!!"
"It's not a crime to be bitter."
"It's an art form."
"The others are of no use to us, we alone must save the world."
"Maybe we could find a speaking possum who could tell us."
"He's bitter ... like almonds."
"Honey... I'm trying to be intimidating."
"Eat Sparkles, Fucker!"
"I use 'Spirit of the Fray' so I can submissively wet first."
"Is Baron Von 'my pants are too tight' still talking?"
"Fuck you and the invisible jet you rode in on."
"No Hablo Ingles."
"It's not the size of the wand that matters, but the magic within."
"There is no Proc to Ologist."
"You have just guaranteed that I will spray in your spices."
"How does this thingie work?"
"Why does the road to justice always have the shoulder closed due to construction."
"Can we set the raven on vibrate?"
"Dude, he wasn't even a mall cop."
"What is all of this?" - NPC, horrified at her disguise
"They are well paid. They have to be to dress like that."
"You don't have a proficiency in Dessert Cart."
"This is a particularily bad time for an intergalactic invasion."
"Good thing I didn't put these in the dryer."
"I'm not dancing nekkid for any of you people."
"Why did you advance?"
"Woo! I can shoplift on another plane of existence."
"A guy in full riot armor gets out (of the car)."
"Are they doing the lesbian thing again, because that's not cute."
"It was pre-emptive self defense."
"Who is Trent Resnor?"
"I can pray for my Silence spells."
"Now, calm down and breathe... Wait. that's Lemaze."
"You have a dream that you are having tea with a geisha that has a face like a fox."
"Snakes on another plane!"
"She's a girl. I figure she knows how to manuver around a steering column."
"I'm going to work on my trap making. I'll probably get bored on the trip. It'll take like 5 minutes."
"Ohhhh! Song of Freedom. What's that?"
"When all the pretend people come home, all of their pretend stuff will be pretend broken."
"But, there is nothing wrong with me."
"It could be Osama Bin Laden behind that mask handing me a McAnthrax burger."
"I like her, but then I was raised by pirates.."
"I keep forgeting who are my childhood friends and who are stupid."
"We treat it like a bad dog."
"I also have D & D books."
"So... Regulation plus bullshit equals okay."
"I have disable device... Bitches!"
"If you had Super Vision, wouldn't that be in range?"
"Me and the coffee table, we see things."
"We have gone from Porn to Corn."
"Excuse me. I'm going to the ladies room"
"I hunger for Souls"
"One of the mechanical arms has an electric toothbrush on it. You are not sure you want to know why."
"Well, if he sucks a flaming chicken towards himself...."
"I can't believe I am saying this, but make a ranged attack versus rotisserie."
"Well, we've never gone straight before."
"Hi! I think I got my soul back."
"How did I end up doing this?"
"Dominatrix Dave, living large, chained to a wall."
"There's three ways of doing something. The right way, the wrong way and the Nick Fury way." -Doug
"You hear a loud explosion behind the door."
"I noticed that you had after-market add-ons."
"I thought you were playing a perky character."
"He eats, shoots and leaves. Just like a Panda."
"She has the highest AC because I'm not wearing pants."
"We could kill them, that was our mission."
"Why do I always have to be the straight man?"